Infinitely

Psalm 130:5 — I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope.

In a dark and hopeless place,

my spirit groans for You, Lord.

Though it is silent,

though I feel empty,

I know that You hear me,

that Your eyes are upon me.

I am undeserving of rescue

because of my sins;

You desire to rescue me

because of Your love.

You pour out forgiveness

by grace

so that I can walk in obedience,

so that Your glory is revealed.

Every part of me

waits for You,

You are my only hope.

In my waiting,

I will meditate on Your word,

pressing on by Your Spirit.

I wait for You

as if my life depends on it

because my life depends on it.

You are unfailing love,

You are complete redemption,

You are total grace.

Therefore,

I will put my faith -

my hope -

in You alone.

You, Lord,

You Yourself

are my restoration.

Amen.

Flesh & Spirit

Psalm 149:6 — May the praise of God be in their mouths, and a double-edged sword in their hands.

I can praise

in my weeping,

I can worship

in my grieving.

I will praise You, Lord,

even against the will

of my own flesh.

I will worship you, Father,

even against the lies

in my own mind.

Did You find me

in a light and easy place?

Or did You form me

in the bowels of suffering?

Did You create me

for comfort and worldly safety?

Or did You resurrect me

for resilience and eternal life?

God of majesty and wonder,

power and love,

judgment and meekness,

I will live

because You rescued me from death;

I will praise

because You redeemed me in hopelessness.

My Joy

and my Salvation,

my Rock,

and my Deliverer,

I will bless Your holy name

until my breath is no more.

Amen.

But You

Isaiah 53:3, 5-6 — He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering and familiar with pain… But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

I ran from You,

but You never left my side.

I turned my back on You,

but You remained in front of me.

I left Your presence,

but You chose to seek me.

I cursed Your Name,

but You followed me into darkness.

I neglected Your love,

but You gave it to me anyway.

I hated You,

but You chose to give me grace.

I blamed Your ways,

but You had plans for me.

I treated You like swine,

but You died for me.

I followed my own path apart from Yours,

but You knew it led back to Your feet.

I raged against You,

but You never held it against me.

I spit in Your face,

but You called me beloved.

Though I have lived

to hurt You,

You lived

to die

for my wretched soul.

Amen.

Lose

Matthew 16:24-26 — Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”

I seek to save my life,

and I lose it.

I seek to satisfy myself -

my desires,

my satisfaction,

my expectations -

and I end up nowhere.

I seek to gain the whole world -

gratification,

idolatry,

envy -

and I lose my soul.

I lose my life for You, Lord,

and I save it.

I seek to deny myself and follow You, Father -

Your instruction,

Your glory,

Your wisdom -

and I have complete purpose.

I seek to crucify myself to the world -

temptation,

lies,

selfishness -

and I gain eternal joy.

When I have in mind

only the mere concerns of my flesh,

I stumble and fall.

When I have in mind

the concerns of God,

I am firmly planted and cannot be moved.

Amen.

Like You

Ephesians 5:1-2 — Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Give me patience

to love like You love.

Give me peace

to think like You think.

Give me wisdom

to speak like You speak.

Give me humility

to forgive like You forgive.

Give me joy

to persevere like You persevere.

Give me kindness

to wait like You wait.

Give me strength

to remain like You remain.

Give me hope

to carry on like You carry on.

Give me self-control

to listen like You listen.

Amen.

Never Relent

Romans 12:2 — Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…

I dishonor You, Lord,

because I look the same

as the rest.

I discredit You,

because I act the same

as everyone else.

I dishearten You, Father,

because You offer me all that I want and need,

yet still I turn from You.

Still,

I am afraid;

still,

I am prideful;

still,

I am distracted;

still,

I am self-reliant.

Yet still,

You earnestly seek me;

You graciously forgive me.

Your mercy

is the reason I can return to You.

Your mercy

is the motivation for me

to never relent in my obedience to You.

Amen.

Rise

Psalm 4:8 — In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for You alone Lord, make me dwell in safety.

When I rise,

I come before You.

With my first words,

my first thoughts,

I fall on my face

at Your feet;

I do not want to live this day,

apart from You.

As temptation swarms,

waiting for me like a lion,

I turn from it,

to face You;

I refuse to give in

to anything that takes me from You.

As decisions surround me,

swirling about like a mighty wind,

I kneel before You;

only Your will

I seek -

nothing else will satisfy my heart.

As worries descend upon me,

slithering towards me like a snake,

I recall Your word;

I breathe in Your Spirit,

the peace of knowing who You are,

and what You call me.

As fatigue settles in my flesh,

covering me like a blanket of stone,

I meditate on Your promises;

I call to mind my final resting place,

and consider it joy to carry on for You.

When I come to rest,

I will return to You.

With my final words,

my final thoughts,

I will close my eyes at Your feet;

I will rejoice

that I will never live another day

apart from You.

Amen.

Radical

Isaiah 7:4,9 — Be careful, keep calm and don’t be afraid… If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.

O Lord,

help me grasp

the faintest image of Your glory,

the quietest sound of Your power.

O God in heaven,

I cannot even rely on You

without Your help;

I cannot even depend on You

without Your guidance!

Father,

God,

King,

make me faithful unto death,

desperately bound to You in this life.

I want to hate what You hate,

love what You love,

and live shackled to Your instruction.

I want to know reverence,

like I know breath;

I long to understand worship,

like I understand sight.

Engrain Yourself in me, Lord,

that I cannot comprehend

how to live apart from You.

Crucify me, Father,

that I may simply not know

what it means to live for myself.

I refuse to accept

anything less than total,

complete,

addiction to following You, O my God.

Amen.

Submission

Job 26:14 — And these are but the outer fringe of His works; how faint the whisper we hear of Him! Who then can understand the thunder of His power?

O Lord,

how did You create everything,

out of nothing?

How can it be,

that before anything was,

You already were?

Why,

in the fullness of Yourself,

did You create me?

O,

how my soul longs for things,

so much greater than it can comprehend.

Yet,

did You not create me,

to wonder, O endless Creator,

to marvel at Your handiwork?

I rejoice in meditating,

on You, Lord;

I am content in knowing,

I will never fully understand,

Your ways.

When I consider the mysteries of the universe,

I am deeply glad,

that You are God,

and I am just me.

O, the sweet satisfaction,

the everlasting contentment of my soul,

in complete submission to You, Lord.

Amen.

A Lifetime

Daniel 3:16-18 - Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

Power and truth,

are found in the fire.

Humility and grace,

come from the flames.

O Lord,

test me, test me,

but do not let me fall!

Deepen my need,

increase my longing,

that I may never depart from You.

Let me see Your judgment,

yet cling to Your grace;

for in this,

I am free.

Why would I live,

with comfort and ease -

why would it matter?

Rather,

let me cherish suffering,

praising You in the pain;

for it brings me closer to You.

A lifetime of suffering,

is worth an eternity of worship;

let my soul take hold of the truth.

Amen.

The Greatest Gift

Philippians 3:10-11 — I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Is suffering not,

the greatest gift You have given me, Lord?

Has it not led me to Your feet,

led me to my knees?

Has this pain not brought me to Your courts,

this grief not brought me to the cross?

Have my scars not made me,

like Your Son?

Will I not show You these wounds one day,

rejoicing in how You used them,

to redeem my life?

Have these afflictions not revealed to me,

my total need for You,

my absolute reliance on Your word?

Has this labor not humbled me,

bringing me wonderfully low,

meekly to Your throne of grace?

You, O my God,

took the chains that bound me,

the path that was leading me to death,

and rescued me.

O, how I never want to escape this pain,

if it means I will be taken from You.

Sustain me, Lord,

give me the strength to live;

but give me nothing -

no matter how wonderful it may seem -

if it could separate me from Your presence.

Amen.

Is This The Man?

Isaiah 14:10, 16-17 - They will all respond, they will say to you, “You also have become weak, as we are; you have become like us…” Those who see you stare at you, they ponder your fate: “Is this the man who shook the earth and made kingdoms tremble, the man who made the world a wilderness, who overthrew its cities and would not let his captives go home?”

I will one day look,

and see my enemy in full.

He will not be hidden,

not found in the shadows,

nor lurking in the depths.

One day,

I will see him,

and I will wonder,

why I was so afraid.

I will wonder why

I followed him,

why I was so worried to fight.

I will wonder why

I never used my weapons,

why I allowed him to use me.

Though his appearance

is great and mighty,

he will one day be a corpse in the ground,

covered in dirt and weeds.

I will wonder why I was

enslaved to him;

why I spent so many hours

considering his power.

O Lord,

let me see the enemy,

for who he really is.

Let it lead me to see,

who You really are,

what it is that You give me.

Let me tremble and shake at Your throne,

so that I can stand with strength

against him.

Amen.

I Will

Proverbs 30:5 - Every word of God is flawless; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him.

Father,

guide my tongue;

bring peace to my mind;

give strength to my body;

convict my heart.

I will obey Your commands;

I will fear You;

I will serve You;

I will walk in obedience,

loving You above all else.

Forgive me of my sin;

make me well.

Amen.

Out Of The Dust

Psalm 139:13-14: For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Brittle and weak,

I consider myself.

Broken and afraid,

I consider myself.

Without a divine purpose,

I consider myself.

Far from Your wonderful mercy;

I consider myself.

A slave to the enemy,

I consider myself.

From the foundations of the earth,

You made me.

Set apart from all other creation,

You made me.

Fearfully and wonderfully,

You made me.

In Your image,

You made me.

Because You are mighty,

You made me.

Out of the dust,

I was formed.

At the foot of Your throne,

I live.

Seated at Your right hand,

I will soon be.

Amen.

Obedient Love

Psalm 119:130-131: The unfolding of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, longing for Your commands.

Father,

guide my tongue;

bring peace to my mind;

give strength to my body;

convict my heart.

I will obey Your commands;

I will fear You;

I will serve You;

I will walk in obedience,

loving You above all else.

Forgive me of my sin,

and make me well.

Amen.

Mine

Proverbs 3:7-8: Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

I rejoice

in the fear of the Lord;

I rejoice,

that I have every reason not to fear the world.

Healing is mine;

wisdom is mine;

joy is mine;

hope is mine;

freedom is mine;

eternity is mine,

because I have the fear of the Lord

in my heart.

O God,

I worship Your magnitude,

I rejoice in Your justice.

Because there is no one like You,

I am full of praise.

Because You redeemed me,

I am free.

I fear the Lord;

for I know my condition,

when I depart from Him.

I fear the Lord;

for His judgment is perfect,

and His ways are pure.

I fear the Lord;

for I know I am not Him,

and because He loves me.

Amen.

Well With My Soul

Psalm 42:5, 11, & 43:5 — Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Awaken me, O Lord,

I am asleep to Your truth.

Numb to Your power,

indifferent to Your goodness,

I am asleep.

Come and find me,

lift me up;

I need You.

I am gray,

stuck in nothingness,

I am desperate for Your light.

Still my afflictions persist,

they are many;

give me faith.

Still my wandering continues,

I am confused;

give me peace.

As I step back,

I see clearly,

I have it all wrong.

I am consumed by myself,

set in my ways,

ignoring the needs of others.

My suffering is all-consuming,

for it consumes me of myself.

It feeds my selfishness,

it ignites my self-centeredness.

You are the answer, O God,

You are truth.

Replace my selfish mind,

with Your spirit of humility.

Destroy my self-centered heart,

with Your Spirit of love.

For I know that pride is the death of me,

and I must crucify myself.

Praise Your Name,

the Lord of creation,

for You are good.

I will love You,

serve You,

obey Your commands,

and it will be well with my soul. 

Amen.

God Alone

Lamentations 3:21-22 - This I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end.

I am here,

to do Your will, O God.

I have no purpose,

no meaning,

apart from my Father.

This life matters not -

I matter not -

without the perfect love of the Creator.

In this alone,

I have complete hope.

All of my fear,

my worries and anxieties,

my bitterness and discontentment,

my emptiness and anger,

comes when I depart from this truth.

God alone,

turns my fear into freedom;

my worries and anxieties,

into peace and confidence;

my bitterness and discontentment,

into forgiveness and truth;

my emptiness and anger,

into identity and joy.

I have searched other options,

seeking fullness by other means;

each one failed me completely.

I am Your child, O Father,

You call me beloved!

How can this be?

Rather,

how can it be any other way,

and why would I want it to be?

In this alone,

my soul finds complete rest.

Amen.

Faithless Fear

Psalm 94:17-19 - Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

My heart groans within me,

even my bones turn against me.

With every moment of fear,

I cast doubt on the Lord.

In every moment that I am afraid,

I disobey the status of my God.

Is not Your power,

greater than my thorns, O Lord?

My unbelief

causes me to fear,

which leads me to sin.

O, how my life would never be the same,

if I had a mustard seed.

Just a drop,

only a fraction of faith,

and I would never be the same.

My minds turns me in, Father,

my thoughts are the evidence,

evidence of all that I lack.

In the root of my trembling,

my guilt is revealed.

You are all that I need, O Lord,

yet You are not enough for me.

You are all that I long for, O God,

yet I rely on everything but You.

What will it take,

faithless flesh of mine,

to put your hope in the Lord?

I will call to You, mighty Creator,

until my lungs give out.

Humble me,

bring me to ruins,

if it means I can taste the fullness of Your

love.

Amen.

Wonderful Suffering

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

O Lord,

my pain cannot be measured,

words cannot do it justice.

I have lost count of the days;

many are the nights I have suffered.

Yet, the mercy of the Lord

has never been more bountiful;

His grace has never been more satisfying.

O the joy of affliction,

the wonder of suffering,

when I am covered by the blood of Christ.

There is no greater treasure,

than suffering for the sake of the Lord.

What good are riches,

worldly treasures and gifts,

without the forgiveness of the Almighty?

They are nothing,

poison to the soul,

and decay to the bones,

apart from the Father.

All that I have belongs to You, O God,

suffering and success alike.

Loosen my grip,

my selfish desires,

my prideful heart.

Turn my sorrow into rejoicing,

and my weeping into joy.

Though my pain cannot be measured,

Your grace overflows in every moment.

You drown my suffering,

in the depths of Your love.

Therefore,

make me humble in my hurt,

and selfless in my affliction.

Convict my heart, O God,

and I will follow You for the rest of my days.

Amen.